The Kitchen Galaxy

In 2005, the dishwasher in our house met an untimely end. From that point on it was up to my sister and I to ensure that the dishes we used were washed and put away when we were done. While it sounds simple enough, two individuals juggling full time jobs, school and busy social lives don’t always have the time or motivation to do that.

One afternoon I returned home to find an empty sink and a sarcastic note dangling just above it. That note read “Oh look the sink is clean and empty.” Feeling quite motivated to prove that statement was incorrect I penned this quick response, of which I am still quite proud.

In response to your 1 October 2005 statement. “Oh look the sink is clean and empty”, I would like to argue a point. Theorists now believe that in our ever-expanding dynamic universe forces exist that cannot be seen or successfully measured by any known means. After all, the 2 billion galaxies with their 1-2 billion stars only make up a fraction of the cosmos. Where is the other vast percentage? That my dear mother is a substance known as dark matter (because it cannot be seen by any form of visible light, x-ray, or any other waveform) and may constitute between 90 and 99% of the matter in the universe. While it is still invisible to our primitive eyes, its effects can be monitored in spacious gases and the motions of stars and star clusters. Think of it as a sort of reverse gravity. One contending method for proving the existence of dark matter lies in WIMPs (these are weakly interacting massive particles), but I am skeptical. I myself find it much too time consuming to prove the existence of one theory in order to apply it to another, without even the slightest guarantee it may be successful. Call me old fashioned.

Now let’s examine the sink, our Kitchen Galaxy (KG) if you will. If the KG is part of the universe (which it is; its no fabrication that the sink lies well within the empirical limits of our Universe) then certainly the rules of the universe still apply. Therefore the statement the sink is clean (we’ll get to that) and empty would be entirely inaccurate. Something is taking up that space and all research points to dark matter. While I myself don’t have the money or resources to conduct a full examination of the KG in an effort to prove this, I’m sure my colleagues would all agree with me. Ever heard the expression, is the glass half full or half empty? Well technically its fully full. Now tell me that little statement isn’t more uplifting! Of course now we are getting into philosophy and since science and philosophy go together just as well Darwin and the Catholic Church, we’ll just steer clear of that.

Aside from the presence of invisible gravitational anomalies, another flaw in your statement is your blatant disregard for microbial bacteria. Now I’m not saying you have a dirty kitchen, in fact I’ve eaten there many times. However, my choice of dinning does not repute the fact that bacteria are present in almost every square inch of the sink. They are not necessarily toxic bacteria, however Cryptosporodium is pretty nasty and can form in the basin around the drain. Other varieties such as Salmonella, Shigella, or Escherichia coli become toxic in various doses. I won’t even go on listing the hundreds of other bacteria that would be present, it would bore you. However, bacteria alone disprove your statement about the sink being both empty and clean.

In the future, please try to avoid delivering statements of an incorrect nature. We all have to live on this planet together and tossing around bogus allegations and lurid disregard for advanced physics will only create problems between our household and the scientific community. However, don’t frown. I did find some accuracy in your statement.

“Oh look the sink.”

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